FML Right Now...

Sometimes I believe that I scare people off because of what I've done in the past (and as usual this post is mainly about girls.  Sorry).  I have that reputation of a "player" and that I go and break hearts left and right.  The truth is, if I do end up hurting someone, I feel empty and like a complete fucking asshole.  But at this point, I'm beginining to realize that some people might just be using me for some fucked up, selfish porpose, and I'm going to say something about that...  What the fuck?  When people stop using me like a tool to mend  some past relationship that had gone to shit, it's like I'm not worthy of being a  "human".  That being said, basically the only thing keeping me from straight-up walking out of here right now is that I can't.  But bet your fucking dollar that as soon as I finish high school, I am getting as far away from this shithole as humanly possible.  I'll try to keep in touch with a few close friends, but that's about it.  People here just don't really want to be with me as a person, they just want the tool that everyone just uses and tosses to the ground once they feel better about themselves.  I'm not some car that you take on a fucking test drive, then go, "Nah, I don't want this one," and just ditch me on the side of the fucking road.  That's a load of bullshit.  I need that one person who will want me for who I am, and so far... that person ain't here.  She's somewhere, but she is definitely not here.  I've looked all over the fucking place, getting screwed at every turn... it's fucking amazing that I haven't started lighting up or drinking yet.  FML, man, f.m.l... ....